Episode 23: Lori Holden
Lori Holden, a veteran parent of two young young adults, writes at LavenderLuz.com and hosts the podcast Adoption: The Long View. She’s the author of the acclaimed book The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption (recommended by People magazine in 2021), written with her daughter’s birth mom. Her book is featured on adoption-agency required-reading lists across the country. She has keynoted and presented at adoption conferences around the US and Canada, and she is available to coach families through tricky adoption situations. In 2018, she was honored as an Angel in Adoption® by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute. Her new book, Adoption Unfiltered, co-written with adoptee Sara Easterly and birth mom Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard, will be available in late 2023. Lori and her family live in Denver, CO.
Lori Holden shares her experience with infertility, adoption, and the complexities of open adoption relationships. Drawing from over 20 years of exploring adoption as an adoptive mother and a writer on adoption topics, Lori discusses the importance of boundaries in maintaining emotionally charged relationships. She emphasizes that boundaries are not solely about keeping things out but also about establishing what is acceptable within the relationship. These principles extend beyond adoption, speaking to all emotionally charged relationships in life. Lori also touches upon the concept of the "primal wound" in adoptees and the different ways individuals may respond to it. Having experienced both extremes of rebellion and people-pleasing, Lori highlights how tailored parenting approaches can help foster introspection and attunement skills. Lori's openness to maintaining relationships with her children's birth parents is a significant theme of the episode. She shares heartwarming anecdotes about her interactions with birth parents and understanding the importance of allowing children to love multiple mothers. The episode further explores open adoption, the dynamics between adoptive and birth families, and the need to expand the current adoption narrative beyond the fairy tale notion. Lori's own journey sheds light on the complexities and emotions involved in adoption, highlighting the importance of embracing all aspects of the adoption experience.
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