Chapter 8: It’s a Boy!

Soon after we started planning the baby shower, we got the call!  “It’s a boy!!” our agency social worker said. He is due in May. 

I had learned to not get my hopes up, but this call felt different; what we were being presented was different, the situation just seemed more assured. A young woman in a neighboring town had chosen us to parent her son who was due to be born in seven weeks. Justin was on a work trip so I left him a message. I debated for a split second to wait until he called back to tell anyone else, but I couldn’t. I called the tribe. While I was “trying” not to get my hopes up I also ran to Target to buy an adorable baby boy outfit. I hadn’t let myself buy any clothes yet. We (the tribe) all agreed that, officially, one purchase couldn’t possibly jinx the process. 

It was four hours after I got the call from the agency, Justin finally called me back and I told him the news. He was cautiously optimistic. Typical engineer. 

Justin and I met the expectant mother, “T” we’ll call her, about a week later at a restaurant that she chose. This was going to be the most awkward first date ever. She walked in alone with this glow, but it was a glow of trepidation. She was young, beautiful and barely showing. What do you say to a woman who has chosen you to parent her child? A woman who could still change her mind in the coming months. Our social worker, who seemed as out of place as any chaperone on a first date, told us earlier to avoid talking about the baby, but rather focus on her as an individual, not just as a “baby maker.” I mean, when you put it that way it sounds like we are stealing her baby. This just got way more uncomfortable. 

Overall the meeting was fine, we talked about our dogs, our love of skiing, and other outdoorsy obscure things that we all had in common. We really liked her as a person and could see having a relationship with her. We walked out of the restaurant cautious, but excited. It was kind of like a good date where you clicked with the person and definitely want to see them again, but what is appropriate? We didn’t exchange contact information just yet, it was too soon! Or was it? We liked her as a person, not just as THE person who was giving us her baby. That wasn’t set in stone just yet, but we were excited to get to know her. After about a week, I asked the agency to give her my number so she could contact me. We texted a bit and she agreed to meet with me again. 

The next time we met her, I took her out to lunch without Justin to get to know her better. I would ask her what she thought our future looked like and she had no answer and looked uncomfortable. Note, do not ask this question again. I’m sure she was just trying to get through one day at a time. I should probably also stop thinking so much about the future and focus on what’s happening right now. The future the way I see it, hasn’t come to fruition in any way I thought it would. So maybe I should follow her lead and do this day to day thing. 

The social worker would update us on the conversations she had with "T." 

“We talked about what it would be like if she parented.” - social worker

“I feel like this is information I don’t want to know.” - Sheila’s brain

I’m glad she was following through with counseling with the agency. I’m glad they were talking about alternatives now rather than later. I wanted her to be sure of her decision, but how can anyone be SURE before even giving birth. There were so many what if’s running through my brain. None of which I could control.

The time came for the baby shower. We hadn’t officially announced our news of being matched yet so we told people to bring “neutral” gifts. It was clear that everyone had heard the news once the presents started being opened. I was getting very excited and then yelling at myself for getting excited. This isn’t even my baby! I forced myself to think about our “forever baby,” these gifts are for my forever baby -- whenever he or she comes home. The shower was a fantastic celebration and I was so grateful for the timing and the support from all our friends and family. 

Three days later "T" invited us to her regular weekly prenatal appointment. I had a dream the night before that the baby was born, so without telling Justin, I packed the car with a suitcase, our “baby” bag and the car seat that was still in the original box. You know, in case I was all of a sudden a psychic. 

We walked into the doctor’s office trying to be invisible, but also paying attention. She invited us into her exam which none of us realized was an internal exam. The whole process looked super uncomfortable, she was crying in pain. I wanted to help her, to fix this for her, but I couldn’t. That wasn’t my job. Justin couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Baby boy wasn’t as active as the doctor wanted, so she sent “T” to Labor and Delivery to be monitored as a precaution.

Turns out baby was ready and I was prepared (and psychic!). 

She was induced that night.